Let me repeat to those in the back—networking events can feel like corporate speed dating in uncomfortable shoes. Now add ADHD, autism, dyslexia, anxiety, or simply a brain that doesn’t subscribe to the Small Talk Gazette, and voilà: you’ve unlocked Networking on Nightmare Mode.

But here’s the plot twist: you’re not awkward, broken, or destined to spend the evening bonding with the cheese platter (although honestly, it is the most emotionally available part of the event). You, my neurodivergent friend, are a secret networking ninja. You just need a game plan—and yes, snacks. Always bring snacks.

1. Redefine “Success” (Lower the Bar…Then Vault Over It)

Everyone loves to say things like “Just be yourself!” which is solid advice if you’re a golden retriever. But for the rest of us, let’s talk realistic wins:

  • Have one real conversation with someone who doesn’t sell crypto.
  • Make it through 45 minutes without hiding in the bathroom stall, becoming one with the hand dryer.
  • Send a follow-up email that doesn’t include the phrase “lol sorry I was weird.”
  • Sometimes success is just showing up and wearing pants. That’s Olympic-level effort right there.

2. Prepare Like You’re Planning a Heist

Networking without a plan is like trying to assemble IKEA furniture without an Allen wrench or the will to live. You need a strategy.

Your non-criminal heist checklist:

  • Google the guest list like you’re building a Sims family from scratch.
  • Practice your intro until it sounds smooth but not like you’re narrating a nature documentary, unless you are doing it like Snoop Dog, then always be Snoop Dog.
  • Set a personal curfew: “One hour or three conversations—whichever comes first.” Then Irish exit like the enigmatic legend you are.

Bonus tip: Choose an escape song. Something dramatic. So, you can strut out like you’re in a spy movie.

3. Use Your Neuro-Spicy Superpowers

Small talk is a crime against humanity (or at least introverts). You weren’t made for “So, traffic, huh?” You were built for real connection.
Ask questions like:

  • “What’s something weirdly specific you’re into lately?”
  • “If you could have dinner with any fictional character, who’s on the guest list?”

Also: your ability to deeply listen while others mentally scroll through their to-do lists? That’s a superpower. Lean in.

4. Tools, Tech & Thoughtful Escapes (a.k.a. Your Utility Belt)

Build your Networking Survival Kit like a quirky Batman:

  • Notes app: For jotting down names, interesting facts, or important Greg-from-Logistics chinchilla intel.
  • Noise-canceling earbuds: To decompress without looking like you’re launching a DJ set.
  • Comfort object or fidget toy: Yes, even a stress squish or that weird little rubber duck you carry for emotional support. No shame.
  • Dress for sensory success: Rock that outfit that feels like pajamas but looks like you have your life together.
  • Breaks, breaks, breaks: Plan them. Take them. Don’t negotiate with your social battery.

Remember: finding the nearest quiet corner isn’t avoidance—it’s strategy.

5. Communicate Your Needs Like a Social Jedi

Don’t feel like making eye contact? No problem. Eyebrows, shirt buttons, the emergency exit sign—pick your target.

Hate small talk? Try this:

  • “I’m not great at small talk, but I’d love to hear what you’re passionate about.”

Boom. You just disarmed them with authenticity and charisma. Jedi mind trick complete.

6. Win the Follow-Up (a.k.a. Your Redemption Arc)

You may not thrive under fluorescent lights and lukewarm wine, but give you a keyboard and a GIF, and suddenly you’re the most charming person on Earth.

Send a simple message the next day:

  • “Great chatting with you about [niche topic]. Let’s stay in touch!”

Bonus points for attaching a relatable meme, obscure reference, or pet photo. Instant likability.

ALWAYS REMEMBER: You’re Not “Too Much”—You’re Exactly Enough

If networking feels like climbing Everest in Crocs, you’re not alone. But you do belong in the room—even if that room smells faintly of cold meatballs and existential dread.

So, show up. Grab a snack. Take breaks. Be weird. Be brilliant. Be real.

And when it’s all over, reward yourself with a weighted blanket, a hot beverage, and three consecutive episodes of The Great British Bake Off. You earned it.

Xander Brown, BD Director, content writer, and dog dad, is also the Membership Chair for the National Capital Area Chapter of APMP. When he is not helping companies grow he can be found walking his pup Buffy or writing his autobiography aptly named “Standing in a field, waiting for Buffy to do her business”

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